I’m so sorry

I’ve been MIA for quite some time now. I truly do apologize. 

Now that I’m back here, I feel like there is just so much to say. 

I want to start off with what’s on my mind right now. That is that I need to make some changes in my life. By changes, I mean I need to get back to the old me. 

Get ready for some serious change to this blog.

You may be asking

Who was the old you? What was she like?

Well, she was strong. She was a vixen. She had this incredible power of making men fall in love with her at the drop of a hat. She glowed with pride. She was the toughest bitch you’d ever meet. She was into murder stories and crime scenes. Always carried a bullet shell and bone in her bag. (Although that part is still true)

Part of me thinks she left because summer came around and everything being so bright and cheery, she just couldn’t handle it. She went into hiding and another me came out. That one.. that one is lonely and boring and has no reason to smile. She can be brought to tears and panic attacks by thinking she doesn’t have friends. 

The old me… she’s coming back. 

The weather gets colder and so does my heart. 

In my eyes, I was a goddess. The beautiful, heart breaking villain of every story. Since losing these thoughts, I’ve gone into a depression and a state of worthlessness. 

I feel ugly and unloved. 

Part of me thinks it is because I’ve been pushing aside my sexual desires and it’s causing every ounce of my happiness to go into hiding as well.

You may find me crazy or dirty for thinking my lack of libido can cause depression but it’s just how it is.

I’m different

I always have been. I’ve always been so sexualized and I began pushing my desires away because I wanted to conform to social norms.

Those social norms included not getting sexual so quickly in a relationship and waiting to have sex.

Yes, those are very good traits but they just aren’t for me.

How am I being true to myself, holding back sexual desires when they’re all I can think about? 

So, starting today, starting with this post

The old me is back.

It’s time for me to embrace who I fucking am.

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